It's two years later. I am exhausted and alone with my daughter, who has taken great joy in playing with someone else’s toys at the park by our house. I ask her to leave the toys alone and she starts to throw the biggest tantrum I’ve ever seen. It had been a bad night of sleep and now here with my daughter, I find I can’t take much more. She hits me when I try to console her, so I take her home. I shout at her to stop and then leave her, mid tantrum, to walk outside in our garden. After she has gone to bed for her afternoon nap, I found myself overcome with guilt and looked at websites for help and consolidation. All I was embraced with were cheesy one liner’s about how I was being a good mum because I cared.

I have found that negatives of becoming a mother, are never made known until you have children yourself. As if the titbits of honesty would stop women from being mothers. I would argue that knowing the truth would be a huge relief for mothers. I know for me I have felt incredibly lonely, wearied, and embarrassed by strangers judging me as a mother. I have grabbed onto my pen and paper to avoid the noise of the outside and focus on my wonderful daughter. The truth is, that I feel like I am an inadequate mother every day since my daughter was born.

I should now say, that I am very happy being a mother to my beautiful daughter. She has changed my perspective on life, and I can’t wait to pick her up from nursery and see the joy on her face when she sees me. The good things though cannot overshadow the not so good. Fewer than 7% of couples, according to a 2019 study from University College London, split the domestic load – let alone the mental load – equally. In a modern society, mothers are still underpaid, overworked, isolated and feeling guilty. Families asking for childcare that is affordable, or part-time jobs are met with eye rolls. Everything now regarding motherhood needs to be natural, as if the more “organic” your birth and lifestyle is equals being a good mother.

Mothers are trying too hard, and society is not trying nearly hard enough. This leaves us in a position where improvement can start with something as simple as suitable care before, during and after birth. I know now, that being a mother is one of the most difficult endeavours one can take, not only because you bring life into the world, but because your worth and value goes down instantly in the eyes of the people around you.